KIRK DOUGLAS FIGHTS CITY HALL

I love old movies and I love the stars in them. I recently watched two seemingly unrelated movies with the same star and afterwards , I saw the common theme, "you can't fight city hall." They just came from opposite viewpoints.

The two films both featuring Kirk Douglas were, "PATHS OF GLORY" from 1957 and "THE BIG CARNIVAL" from 1951. Please note and don't be confused that the Big Carnival has an alternate title that I prefer, "ACE IN THE HOLE."

Paths of Glory, by pluralizing "path" in the title, suggests that there is more than one way to succeed. In this definitive anti-war statement set during the first World War, glory for the French can be attained from several differ prospectives.

A big general gets a lesser general to send his men on a suicide mission after he is reminded/bribed with the idea of a promotion, the positive political implications after the war and the glory his success will bring.

Kirk Douglas portrays a field commander named Colonel Dax. He is in the trenches with his men and they all understand the futility of "going over the top," into the teeth of the German stronghold. Still, he rallies his men and together, they answer their call to duty. They charge out into "no man's land" and as expected, are overwhelmingly cut down.
The high command seeking to keep their hands from being soiled, blames the men of cowardice. It is decided that a hundred random men will be shot. Although the lesser general reduces the number three, Dax (a lawyer in civilian life) sees through their veneer and insists on a trail.

Despite Colonel Dax's insistence on courtroom procedure, the trail is nothing more than a "kangaroo court martial." Dax is squashed by the upper echelon and fails to prove his clients' innocence. However, along the way, he bring out some startling and embarrassing revelations. Nevertheless, his men face the firing squad anyway.

Afterwards, in a discomforting display of elite power, corruption and hypocrisy, the big general sidesteps any culpability and leaves the lesser general disgraced to face Dax's counter-charges.

The movie ends with the big general trying to convince Dax to put the trail behind him and keep quiet. In so doing, like the lesser general, he is offered a promotion and reminded of the politics and of course of the glory.


In the movie "ACE IN THE HOLE," Douglas is city hall. He plays Charlie Tatum an ex-high profile newspaper reporter trying to get back on his feet. After a long search, Tatum applies for a job in Albuquerque New Mexico. As part of his spiel Tatum brags, "I can handle big news and small news...and if there's no news, I'll go out and bite a dog." Despite his cynicism and bullying tactics, he is hired.

A year passes and Tatum's edginess worsens as he realizes that Albuquerque has not been the stepping stone back to the big-time that he had imagined. Tatum's luck suddenly changes when he and a photographer are sent out of town, to cover a frog jumping contest. Along the way they learn of a man named Leo Minosa trapped deep in a mineshaft-like Indian cave dwelling. After speaking with the local sheriff and the engineers who come to make the rescue effort safe, Tatum convinces them that everyone will be better served if it takes over a week, instead of eighteen hours. In a whimsical moment Tatum says to the photographer, "Bad news sells best...'cause good news, is no news!"
Motivated by the hopes of winning the Pulitzer Prize, Douglas is at his inhuman best. He deliberately keeps Minosa buried and uses the extra time to horde exclusive rights to the story. At the same time, he makes a carnival atmosphere out the accident scene (perhaps this movie was the inspiration for the phrase"media-circus.") Simultaneously, he milks the public with his daily articles and becomes a national sensation. Tatum is back on top! Until Minosa dies.


Either way you look at it, these are two great movies to rent and you won't have to fight city hall or Kirk Douglas to see them.

GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR A SHAM-POODLE

I take pride in remembering faces. So it was embarrassing that I didn't recognize Bob F. when he came to my roulette table.

My embarrassment ran deep because Bob was not only a charter member of our monthly poker games, but a great friend and co-worker.  More importantly, he took took center stage in two stories that I have repeated a gazillion times.

The Turning Stone Casino, near Syracuse New York, was a part of the new wave of gambling houses that became a threat to Atlantic City's east coast monopoly. Bob was in search of upward mobility and found it. Now, thirteen years later, he has ascended the casino management ladder while others remain in dead-end positions.

While still living in Jersey, way before there was a personal computer in every home, Bob and his wife had two small daughters. It was also so long ago that this area didn't have a decent mall, (the Hamilton Mall in Mays Landing was a vacant lot.  So we of Atlantic County had to drive sixty miles to get to a fashionable mall.

Bob was a terrific dad and wanted only the best for his children. When early December rolled around, he learned that his older girl (3) wanted Santa to bring her the super-hyped Christmas gift for pre-school age girls called, "SHAM-POODLE."  This over-sensationalized poodle-shaped bathtub toy dispensed shampoo when you rubbed it on your head.

The Nickelodeon network inundated the airwaves with commercials for it. I barely watched that station and still couldn't get the jingle's redundant lyric out of my head, "Sham-Poodle, Sham-Poodle...fun when your taking a bath..."

Naturally, Bob's three-year old began pestered her folks for it. Bob understood what she wanted and had two weeks to get it.  At first he didn't realize what he was up against.  The local stores likened the Sham-Poodle buying frenzy to when Tickle Me Elmo was the red hot item.  Bob found out the hard way that they were already sold out for weeks and their suppliers had run dry too.

Bob went on a mission.  Without the convenience of a computer, he obsessively called every toy store in south and central Jersey. were none to be had. He expanded his quest to Philadelphia, its suburbs and even the Christiana Mall in Delaware.

When the situation seemed dire, Bob started looking for an alternative gift but he knew, nothing else would satisfy the love of his life. Finally two days before the December 25th deadline, Bob got a call back from the Deptford (NJ) Toys 'R Us..  They had a return.  It was pristine, in its unopened package. Bob had to work that night but he dropped everything he was doing and did eighty MPH to get there.  The Sham-Poodle was indeed in perfect condition.  The manager turned down his twenty-dollar token of appreciation and he happily sped home.

On Christmas morning Bob and his wife never hinted that the Sham-Poodle was a part of the treasure trove beneath the tree. So, in anticipation of their little girl's joy, they readied their video camera for the magic moment. The little girl as if guided by an internal diving rod excitedly tossed aside other packages until she picked her target out of the crowd.  She had a million dollar smile as she  proclaiming into the, "I hope THIS is my sham-poodle!"

She tore it open, saw it and was repulsed. On the verge of hyper-ventilating, she screamed and cried. Bob and his wife were in shock. He kept the camera rolling as mom tried everything in her power to console her baby. Bob stopped recording and helped calm their daughter down. When she caught her breath Bob asked, "I thought you wanted Santa to bring you that?" Viciously she snapped, "I didn't want the purple Sham-Poodle, I wanted the PINK ONE!"

An ironic postscript to this story is that...I had to remind Bob of it.

Bob also played a major role in one of the my greatest moments.

In June 1993, we invited Bob's family, (and another) to bring their crap to our house, to sell at our yard sale. It was particularly hot and Bob's daughters got bored, (by then were two and four). He took them each by the hand and went for a walk.

I watched as they vanished around the bend, a few doors down. I envied Bob and wished that I had a child. Ten minutes later, he returned with the baby asleep in his arms while the other walked along and clung to his hip. At that point I adjusted my previous thought and wished specifically for a daughter.

The next moment in time is indelibly marked in my mind. Bob's wife (Jackie) took the girls inside to freshen up. While in our house, Jackie heard the fateful phone message left by Dr Talidouris (an infertility specialist), "You don't need my help, you are already pregnant." Needless to say when Jackie relayed the news...with bigger fish to fry...the yard sale was suddenly over!

Andrew was born the following February.

By the way Bob, if you really expect people to recognize you, next time remember to where a wig that resembles how you wore your hair in 1993.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO EVERYONE!

TWO DAYS AGO, MY PRIDE AND JOY (NOW THIRTEEN) SUITED-UP FOR GABE'S BAR MITZVAH.

WELCOME TO THE SUMMER PARTY AT OUR HOUSE WITH LEXIE, VINNIE, TAYLOR, ANDREW,  JOHANNA AND ZACK. 

The worst movie in a long time: "KNOCKED-UP."

"It may be the funniest movie of the summer. "

Advertising catchphrases that include the word "may" should send up a red flag to everyone. I might be hyper-sensitive but when investigating baldness remedies, I didn't want to read; Your results "MAY" vary.

But in Hollywood, the use of the word "may," may be a practical marketing device. To illustrate my point, they used it to talk-up the newly released movie, "KNOCKED-UP." I should have hoisted the red flag because of the word may, but instead, I allowed myself to get sucked into the abysmal vortex of hype. Its too late for me, so don't let it happen to you. "Knocked-Up" MAY be the worst movie I've seen since "THE MASTER OF DISGUISE."

This self-proclaimed romantic comedy was written by a man and his sexual fantasises are evident. The formula that makes this genre popular is; putting unsuited people together in a funny and/or cute way. Even if a movie like this was to push the envelope a bit, their ultimate success at the box office hinges on its widespread acceptance by parents. Only then would the true target audience, teens and adolescents, get the green light to see it.

For some odd reason the producers of this tripe decided to go beyond sexual innuendo resulting in an "R" rating. But instead of being an adult version of a romantic comedy, they left out two key ingredients; humor and romance.

Without going into great detail, in a drunken moment of carelessness, an articulate, beautiful and success on-camera TV personality gets knocked-up during a one-night-stand. The "knocker" is a lazy, unemployed, slob whose crass manners and his "more than" recreational drug use are unfunny and revolting.

To avoid any political entanglements, the word abortion is hinted at but is never used. Of course to pro-life advocates , the fact that the female lead (no one should want their name attached to this film) decides to keep the baby makes her a hero. But for the sake of the movie, she becomes far less sympathetic and even pathetic...not so much for her choice about the baby but the insistence that this schlub be a part of her long range plans.

About halfway through, we started looking at our watches and estimating how more more torture we could endure. We even considered sneaking into another theater. Unfortunately, we decided to see if there was a tremendous climax and well...there wasn't. However, along the way the story got stupider by suggesting that marriage alienates all spouses and that ultimately we (like the couple in this film), are all unsuited to one another one way or the other...yet we (like them) all muddle happily through life together...in a way that MAY be funny .

"THE EXORCIST," MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL-TIME.

I recently had a conversation (with a customer at work) about favorite movies. She was surprised that mine was, "THE EXORCIST." It's simple, in an entertaining way, the film scared the crap out of me in the theater and continues to, even though I've seen 10+ times.

THE EXORCIST WAS SET IN THE GEORGETOWN SECTION OF WASHINGTON D.C.  MANY EXTERIOR SCENES WERE FILMED THERE INCLUDING THE HOUSE (above) AND THE FRIGHTFUL STAIRWAY ALONG IT'S SIDE.

I'm guessing that the studio had no idea that the Exorcist would become such a hot ticket. Unlike the overly hyped "blockbusters" of today, this movie to my memory, had limited showings. Therefore, its December 1973 debut wasn't an immediate smash. Then by word of mouth, its popularity snowballed until it became a mega-hit.  Soon, theater managers began cramming their schedule with continuous offerings, even after midnight.

When I saw the Exorcist in early March 1974 , it was still at trendy. Together with five friends, we ventured into Manhattan on a dreary, cold and foggy night for a midnight show. We got to the ticket booth at 10:30 and were lucky because they sold out minutes later.

The "ticket holders line" extended down the block, around the corner and well beyond the back of the theater.  For over an hour, we stood like idiots in an intermintent windswept drizzle.  Everyone looked like drowned rats when the line started to move.

We were so far back in line that the decent seats were all taken.  Four of us sat together way up front, while the other two were forced to find separate, individual seats.  It wouldn't matter who you were sitting next because the audience was enraptured. I'm convinced that a pin dropped in the balcony could've been heard in the front row...at any time.

The Exorcist was a jaw-dropping assault on everyone's senses.  It blazed unchartered trails for content, religious imagery, language and special effects.  Yet as sensationalized as it seemed, the story still plausible. 

Like muted zombies, the audience took a psychological pounding and eerily shuffled out of the theater at 3:30AM. It was uncanny how many people lingered outside to discuss the movie.  Under the bright, day-time-like marquee, maybe we felt safe. while waiting for the last two stragglers in my group, I must have drifted from the pack and became separated from my friends. That's when the theater turned off the exterior lights. In the dark, I scanned the puffs of hot breath coming out of every speaker in the crowd as I tried to reconnect with my buddies. Suddenly I was startled by a tap on my shoulder. I turned around expecting one of friends.  Instead, it was a bum, pan-handling for change. My mind zoomed back to the young priest (Damien Karras) being haunted by the devil. THAT WAS DEFINITELY, the most scared I ever was.

(stock photo) IN AN UNCREDITED ROLE, VINCENT RUSSELL, (THE ACTOR PLAYING THE SUBWAY VAGRANT) HAD THE MOST SPINE-TINGLING LINE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE, "FATHER COULD YOU HELP AN OLD ALTAR BOY?  I'M A CAT'LICK."  ALSO HARD TO BELIEVE, THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PHOTO OF HIS PERFORMANCE ON THE INTERNET.

Now thirty-something years later, many lines from the Exorcist have stayed with me like, when guilt-ridden Father Karras' was told by the devil in his mother's voice, "Dimi, vhy you do dis to me."  I shudder just recalling it.

My friend MIKE123 built a twenty-five seat movie theater in his basement, (complete with surround-sound, lobby posters, soda fountain and candy counter). So to recapture my old enjoyment of the Exorcist, I was thrilled that he invited my son Andrew and I to see the newly released director's cut DVD, (it includes some deleted scenes). The Exorcist's most notable new wrinkle had to be "spider-walk." Usually there's a good reason why segments are edited out of movies.  But this time, they eliminated one if the best.

TOO BAD THIS PHOTO DOESN'T PROVIDE THE ON-SCREEN IMPACT OF THE FINAL PRODUCT. ALSO, THEY DIDN'T USE TRICK-PHOTOGRAPHY, THEY HIRED A CONTORTIONIST TO BE LINDA BLAIR'S STUNT DOUBLE.

In addition to the cast, the story and the settings, The Exorcist owes it's success to realism and the concept of; what if something like this happened to me. More importantly, the religious overtones strike a cord in people...and you don't have to be a Catholic to appreciate the stark questions of faith and the examination of the degrees of guilt that many of us drag through life. Also the film does a great job balancing implied (psychological) terror with graphic verbiage and images. Hell, even the music "TUBULAR BELLS," is still as effective today as it was 34 years ago.

Still it surprises me that people are intimidated to see it or were so scared that they would never see it again. I like being scared and even though I know what's coming, the Exorcist never lets me down. To prove my point, last week, I was channel surfing and caught the beginning of the film. But it was getting late and I conked out before Father Merrin (Max von Sydow) left Iraq.

WHAT GREAT CASTING, WHAT GREAT ACTING, MAX von SYDOW (1929-PRESENT), PLAYED THE OLDER PRIEST, EIGHTY-YEAR OLD FATHER LANKESTER MERRIN.

However, to help prove my point, I woke-up a minute from the end. By this time everything is calm, the exorcism is over and the movie is being wrapped up. Ellen Burstyn's character, leads her daughter, a scuffed-up but normal Regan (Linda Blair) to the car. Father Dyer, a priest and friend of the young priest (Damien Karras...who died during ceremony) is outside to wish them well. Linda Blair sees Dyer's crucifix and lunges forward...to hug him. I knew what was going to happen yet it still scared the life out of me. PLUS, as the car drives away, it runs over a sheet of cardboard.  Through cinematic genius, the seemingly harmless cardboard gets kicked up at such an angle, that it startled me...and suggested that the battle was NOT over.

IN 1988 AS A HOMAGE TO THE MOVIE, MY WIFE AND I VISITED "THE EXORCIST STEPS," (above).  BEING THERE IS ACTUALLY FRIGHTENING.  THIS STAIRWAY AND THE ADJACENT HOUSE (AT THE CORNER OF PROSPECT AND 36th) WAS FEATURED IN THE FIRST PHOTO AT THE TOP OF THIS ARTICLE.

That's why the Exorcist is my favorite...do you have a favorite...please leave your comments and tell me.